[9]

GAYY. MY MOMS MAKING ME GIVE HER MY COMPUTER >:O
TODAY WAS FUN. goodbye :D

[8]

It sucks when I don't have a computer because my mom takes it? And my dad doesn't want me using it for the day AND THEN, this doesn't post so, this is saturdays blog not sunday's.:
Today sucked, I didn't do anything at all. My dad's house is pretty boring when I have nothing todo. I was supposed to go out, but then it didn't happen. Sucks to be be. hahahaha. I watched a movie with my mom, and bothers which was fun, I guess. I'll write again tomorrow. [:

[7]

^ Those would be my best friends, ever. Amanda + Christian. Thank you for all that you've done for me in the past week, and always. I love the both of you, and I can't ever imagine living without you. Blah, blah, blah. I DUNNO WHATELSE TO WRITE. Today sucked, a lot of crying happened >.< I went to the place to book the DJ for my sweet 16 with my mom, Erin, and Amanda, then went to pick up Christian. I was with them till about 10, but we pretty much walked around to different places, it put me in a good mood (: I think I'm done writing for today. Thank you to allll my friends, I love you all <3

[6]

Yesterday wasn't a good day, at all. My life pretty much sucks. I've been putting off writing this since I got home from school, I don't really know why. But I'm writing now so here this whole mess of a post goes. I've been pretty depressed in the past 4/5 months, and I've gotten to the point where I wanted to die, there's this cycle ting, and it starts off that I'm really happy, until something happens and I get really depressed, and to the point where I'm suicidal. But I will never actually do anything. I'll get happier and then everything starts all over again. Sometimes the depression lasts longer then other times, usually it's one day and a night, and then I'm fine the next day. I can't take that though, Tuesday night this started, Wednesday i was miserable, and today wasn't SO bad, but it was still kind of bad, everything pretty much sucks. I'm really thankful to have my bestfriends who care alot. I don't know where I'd be at this point without them. Amanda, Christian + Amy thank you for all your help and everything. I love you. <3 :D UH well so my mom took my computer and so I posted this a day after >.< goodbye!

[5]

Eeeeep, so this is whatever I would have written for yesterday, I didn't get to write >.< It wasn't a good day at all, DNW ANYTHING, or ANYONE. GOODBYE <3

[4 again, dnw this to be an edit]

This is an edit to my last post, except i wanted it to have its own post? cool.

Alright, so I'm in a pretty fucking bad mood right now, and I'm pretty speechless right now. I mean really? Of all people, why that one? You can do better, I know you can, apparently all you want is that, and that's what those certain people are for. You don't realize that I actually do care about you and don't want you getting screwed over by some immature hoe. COOL. I think I'm going to play guitar or something before I flip out, even though the point of THIS is to write alla that shit here. So, here I go. I can't stand you at all, you need to open your eyes and realize that people care about you, just because ONE thing was fucked up, doesn't mean everything else is, shit happens, and things change. you need to realize that. You need to stop writing shit indirectly towards people, I know it's either about me or one of my friends, and its fucking annoying as hell that you're supposed to be one of my closest friends and you're always saying shit about me. Another one, you can't do anything for yourself, you're pretty much a fake person. You follow what everyone else does and takes from them the things you like, and it creates you, technically you're nothing of your own, except maybe your personality, but everything else is taken from different people. I really can't stand it, just like I can't stand myself. Really? When people look at me what do they see? Probably something bad, I don't even know. I used to be this great person and then everything changed and I'm completely different. I actually think it's pretty funny when people have a stereotype of 'scene kids' and 'emo kids' because they all think the same, ' Oh if I cut myself, and tease my hair I'm scene/emo ' No, not at all. Just because that's the stereotype doesn't mean anything. That's what people expect, Emo is short for Emotional, where do people get cutting from? Maybe some people take it to the extreme and do that, BUT not always. People just don't know when to stop, stereotypes are rediculous, and I don't want to be put under one because of my actions, appearence, and/or emotions. I think that if I stayed how I was I probably wouldn't have this stupid depression shit all the time. People would actually talk to me. Something like that, I don't know. I want to be different, but it's not possible. I actually really want to be gone, away from everyone just for a little while maybe until reality actually hits me, or till I realize what the fuck is wrong with me. I just really can't take much of anything much longer, and ever since you're not here, this has only been 34723 times worse then normal. Whatever, nothing even matters anymore, maybe I'll text you or something. Atleast it'll put me in a better mood. Bye.

[4]

eeeep! Hey! So I just learned the introduction to the song My Heroine by Silverstein (AKA why the picture is Silverstein :D)It reminds me of you. :x Holy shiiiiat. I shouldn't be talking about you so much in here, what if you read this sometime? You'd know it's about you. NOT GOOD. Well anyways, last night I couldn't fall asleep, AGAIN. What a surprise. The only reason I eventually did was because I took tylanol PM. woooh, that made me sleep. So anyways, we talked somewhat alot today :D That put me in a better mood. I went to the store with my mommy and got vegetarian food, lololol. UH. I really have not much to write. Maybe I'll add an edit later GOODBYEEE (:

[3]

Last night, sucked. I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about everything :| I finally went to sleep at like 3 am, and I just woke up now, but I'm still exhausted. I really don't get why this is all hitting me now, and making this such a problem. Atleast I see you tomorrow, maybe we'll talk, that'd be pretty sweet. I mean, hopefully we do, or that's pretty messed up. I kinda wish everyting goes back to normal, and we start talking how we did before this all happehned. You make me really happy. Which not many people do recently, and now you're not here it really sucks that I'm usually in a bad mood except for when I'm around you. Even though you probably won't read this. I miss you. I fucked up, actually, both of us did, and I just don't know how I should feel any more. :\ It's memorial day. I'm going swimming today(: That should get my mind off some things. I'll write again tonight. <3

edit: 7:55pm. SOOO, today was fun :D! Except for the fact that my dad took my cellphone away for 6 hours, and shut the router off >:O But, anyways I went swimming ! And saw my family who I haven't seen in a while. It was fun, it made me realize how much I love them [: It was actually so funny, my cousin James is so stupid, I guess he was failing math or something? So the teacher was making him go to a class so he'd get better at whatever he was learning, and he didnt go, so he got called down to the dean. As the deans talking to him, he just walks out of the deans office. Who does that?! ahahhaaha. Whatever, as for you, I think you should start talking to me more, and everything should go back to normal. HAHAHAHA. That was a REALLLLY good joke, but I mean, how can you continuously flirt with me, and be like ' You're amazing ' and not care, obviously theres something wrong, or you think things will be the same. If this whole thing were to happen again, I think it'd be completly different, I'm losing sleep over you, and I can't live like this. I'll have to wait and see, It's all I can do, but a text from you every now and then would be pleasing. YAY. I'm talking to you now [: My step-dad is yelling at me because my rooms not clean, LOL I CLEAN EVERY DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE. LIKE REALLLY? I HATE YOU SO MUCH. You don't even know. I guess I'm going to clean. Maybe I'll make another edit later? BYE <3


P.S. Christian Douglas Daniel DiStasi is my favorite person in the world, even though he won't learn My Heroine on guitar unless I take my shirt off. LOLOLOLOL.

[2]

Today, I've decided that ^ Alex Evans is genuinely the greatest person on the face of the earth. :D Anyways, I just woke up, and my brother Griffin is SCREAMING at the top of his lungs. It woke me up. I'm still extremely confused about everything. I feel like I'm wasting my time worrying about something that probably isn't ever going to change, or happen, or anything. Even though a few people are thinking the same way that I am, maybe that's a good thing. This is the most confused I've been in a long time, and I really don't want to be. SO, today will probally suck, I feel like shit, stupid allergies my dad still thinks I'm sleeeping, maybe I should go downstairs? I really don't want to since he told me and my brother that its ' no electronics Sunday ' which basically means we're not allowed to use laptops/ipod/cellphones all day because he wants to see us instead of us using them. I think it's really stupid, but whatever. I can't do anything about it. Everytime I write in this blog, I'm going to try and type properly ( except for words that I cannot spell :D ) it'll make me feel acomplished hahahaha. It's REALLY REALLY REALLY hot out, yay ! Tomorrow I'm supposed to be going to my grandparent's house, and their pool is open! :D Hopefully it will be nice out, even though, the pool is heated xD I'm done writing for now, maybe I will edit this at somepoint today. <3

edit: 9:40pm - So, today wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Ended up that my dad didn't take anything, or shut the internet off. lololol. I almost passed out, even though I think that had to do with something that I didn't eat anything untill like 2:30pm. But I like, went to get something, and I couldn't see straight, and like everything started blacking out, so I couldn't' really see. It was actually really scary, I thought it was something serious and I was going to faint. That would REALLLY suck >.< I was listening to Relapse the new Eminem CD, and it actually isn't that great. There's like one or two songs that are good, otherwise they all suck. I have alot of planning todo for my sweet 16, and I really don't want to start. Me and Amy are going to go look for hot kids one day :D I'm excited. I was talking to an old friend of mine, named Ron. It's funny, I haven't seen him since 6th grade when I completly avoided him because I was in love with him, but like, the omg i'm in 6th grade kinda love. Not like the stuff t hat happens now. Well, the point of the story was that, it's really funny that you can not see someone for 4 years, but still be good friends with him, but it kinda makes me realize how much i miss being little, when nothing really mattered, you can get away with anything just because you're little. eeep whatever, I'm rambling on about nothing. I'll write again tomorrow :D ILOVEYOU. Goodbye<3

[1]

so, i'm going to write in this for a whole year :O i bet that wont happen, but we'll seee. i dont know exactly how i should feel right now. one of my bestfriends, christian is trying to convice me that all guys are the same and the kid i like is using me? which is obviously true in most situations, but not all, i dunno, i just don't think that he is. i don't know, i feel like i still like him, everything was a mistake., maybe there was a reason that what happened did. maybe to realize whats really supposed to happen? i think thats it, i hope it is. because everythings going downhill right now, and none of it makes sense at alll. i really can't handle this :\ i just need to know whats going on.